HOW TO MARRY A BLACK MAN
One of my oldest and dearest friends sent me this email . . .
"This is a very good article {'Marriage Is for White People' By Joy Jones Sunday, March 26, 2006 A washingtonpost.com article}
and speaks to what most of us already feel and know...! Excellent article. Click on the article link."
In regards to the article:
'Marriage Is for White People' By Joy Jones Sunday, March 26, 2006
: A washingtonpost.com article
I disagree vehemently! I don't think it is an excellent article at all. I think it’s racists and outrageously ill conceived! And upon closer perusal I am actually angered at its poor thesis construction, lack of statistical continuity, blatant contradictory statements, gross generalizations and its harmful (criminal, if you ask me) perpetuation of falsehoods that are keeping black folk from meeting, mating, and marrying!
Unfortunately, I realize that the author, Ms. Joy Jones honestly believes that she's written a balanced, well researched and logical exploration of the topic "Marriage is for White People" NOT!
She hasn’t. Instead Ms. Jones wrote an article primarily based on her own personal life experiences which she manages to turn into fact for the entire African American Population. This is not okay. It would be tolerable had she maintained that the piece was just that: her editorial opinion, But she jumped that deep chasm of integrity; tempting as it is; no doubt; and projected her opinion onto statistical information; interpolating the dismal fate of marriage among all black people.
Ms. Jones is perpetuating a fraud. Please don't buy-into her non-sense? It’s self-destructive thinking like this, on the part of my fellow Black Sistahs that prompted me to write How to Marry a Black Man in the first place!
It saddens me even further that sisters, have swallowed all of her negativity - hook line and sinker! These negative beliefs that she's perpetuating, deepen your worst fears, strengthening your hindrances to finding happiness with a loving husband and fathers for your children.
I have a big problem with this article and here are my reasons why.
First of all Ms. Jones’ first two paragraphs are filled with random and gross generalizations. At first glance they seem to be didactically related but upon closer inspection they are a Freudian laundry list of her hurts, disappointments and, doubts about relationships. She practically eulogizes that “she saw as an adult”(as if her “seeing it is conclusive evidence) “that divorce almost becomes a rite of passage.” What the hell does that mean? It’s a statement based totally “out of any rational context” except, I suspect, the context of her very own un-dealt-with childhood wounds and how she’s allowing that to block her own blessings.
Then she admittedly bases her racist grand title and thesis: 'Marriage Is for White People' on the idle chatter of a l2 year old Black boy during a sixth grade class she was teaching. Ms. Jones neglects to mention his race but based on the accompanying photograph of her teaching a group of Black children – I assume he’s black. Instead of admitting that the young child’s remark confirmed her worst fear; that she might never marry, Ms. Jones turns this child’s statement into an alien monster of sorts; who’s responsible for all of the unmarried black people in the world. She is in complete and total denial of her direct influence on the out come of her own unmarried dilemma.
Ms. Jones never answers these thought provoking questions! Or proves their validity!
"How have we gotten here? What has shifted in African American customs, in our community, in our consciousness that has made marriage seem unnecessary or unattainable?"
And then she proceeds to give undeniable proof that what she’s stating is preposterous! By quoting this historical Fact about black coupling / relationships persevering even during slavery, Ms. Jones is unequivocally contradicting herself, in my humble opinion.
"Although slavery was an atrocious social system, men and women back then nonetheless often succeeded in establishing working families. In his account of slave life and culture, "Roll, Jordan, Roll," historian Eugene D. Genovese wrote: "A slave in Georgia prevailed on his master to sell him to Jamaica so that he could find his wife, despite warnings that his chances of finding her on so large an island were remote. . . . Another slave in Virginia chopped his left hand off with a hatchet to prevent being sold away from his son." I was stunned to learn that a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents during slavery days than he or she is today, according to sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin."
Throughout this entire article Ms. Jones only mentions the basic human need for love and intimacy once in an extremely poorly-constructed run-on sentence. She states, as a testament by “One {who} told me that…sex and love...have become a la cart choices rather than a package deal that comes with marriage.” I find it curious that she never delves into the probable riches of intimacy and avoids extolling the untold depths of love that are only possible in a uniquely committed bond like marriage. ..instead reducing marriage’s only possible virtues to and I quote “– male companionship, close family ties {and} - a house – I already had, or were within reach and with exponentially less drama.”
Ms. Jones expresses an adolescent construct of marriage (based on a he-said-she-said argument building technique) that confirms a bizarre predisposition that it must suck since she can’t attain it. A basic psychology 101 “sour grapes” attitude if you ask me!
I could conceivably go on deconstructing her composition, sentence by sentence demonstrating to you her really atrocious writing skill, horrific fact finding ability, poor argument building technique, resulting in ill-gotten conclusions; paragraph after paragraph. But it’s just too painful. I hope you can see what I mean?
Her constant reference to unidentified sources is not only tedious but consistently discredits her “advice/findings”? Even so the most credible thing Ms. Jones cites in this entire piece of drivel is by an unidentified “…Black male acquaintance…” His “…prediction” about the lack of marriages is the only relevant truth she actually imparts:
"I don't believe marriage is going to be extinct, but I think you'll see fewer people married," he said. "It's a bad thing. I believe it takes the traditional family -- a man and a woman -- to raise kids." He has worked with troubled adolescents, and has observed that "the girls who are in the most trouble and who are abused the most -- the father is absent. And the same is true for the boys, too."
I believe with all of my being that it is completely possible for you my sistahs, to meet, and marry the man of your dreams. You are the only one who can determine this outcome. You must be as determined to heal your childhood wounds (not completely) but just enough to allow you to let love into your heart. There is no such thing as the perfect man or the perfect marriage; neither do I advise you to seek perfection of yourself. Love yourself unconditionally and open up your heart to the possibility(s).
and speaks to what most of us already feel and know...! Excellent article. Click on the article link."
In regards to the article:
'Marriage Is for White People' By Joy Jones Sunday, March 26, 2006
: A washingtonpost.com article
I disagree vehemently! I don't think it is an excellent article at all. I think it’s racists and outrageously ill conceived! And upon closer perusal I am actually angered at its poor thesis construction, lack of statistical continuity, blatant contradictory statements, gross generalizations and its harmful (criminal, if you ask me) perpetuation of falsehoods that are keeping black folk from meeting, mating, and marrying!
Unfortunately, I realize that the author, Ms. Joy Jones honestly believes that she's written a balanced, well researched and logical exploration of the topic "Marriage is for White People" NOT!
She hasn’t. Instead Ms. Jones wrote an article primarily based on her own personal life experiences which she manages to turn into fact for the entire African American Population. This is not okay. It would be tolerable had she maintained that the piece was just that: her editorial opinion, But she jumped that deep chasm of integrity; tempting as it is; no doubt; and projected her opinion onto statistical information; interpolating the dismal fate of marriage among all black people.
Ms. Jones is perpetuating a fraud. Please don't buy-into her non-sense? It’s self-destructive thinking like this, on the part of my fellow Black Sistahs that prompted me to write How to Marry a Black Man in the first place!
It saddens me even further that sisters, have swallowed all of her negativity - hook line and sinker! These negative beliefs that she's perpetuating, deepen your worst fears, strengthening your hindrances to finding happiness with a loving husband and fathers for your children.
I have a big problem with this article and here are my reasons why.
First of all Ms. Jones’ first two paragraphs are filled with random and gross generalizations. At first glance they seem to be didactically related but upon closer inspection they are a Freudian laundry list of her hurts, disappointments and, doubts about relationships. She practically eulogizes that “she saw as an adult”(as if her “seeing it is conclusive evidence) “that divorce almost becomes a rite of passage.” What the hell does that mean? It’s a statement based totally “out of any rational context” except, I suspect, the context of her very own un-dealt-with childhood wounds and how she’s allowing that to block her own blessings.
Then she admittedly bases her racist grand title and thesis: 'Marriage Is for White People' on the idle chatter of a l2 year old Black boy during a sixth grade class she was teaching. Ms. Jones neglects to mention his race but based on the accompanying photograph of her teaching a group of Black children – I assume he’s black. Instead of admitting that the young child’s remark confirmed her worst fear; that she might never marry, Ms. Jones turns this child’s statement into an alien monster of sorts; who’s responsible for all of the unmarried black people in the world. She is in complete and total denial of her direct influence on the out come of her own unmarried dilemma.
Ms. Jones never answers these thought provoking questions! Or proves their validity!
"How have we gotten here? What has shifted in African American customs, in our community, in our consciousness that has made marriage seem unnecessary or unattainable?"
And then she proceeds to give undeniable proof that what she’s stating is preposterous! By quoting this historical Fact about black coupling / relationships persevering even during slavery, Ms. Jones is unequivocally contradicting herself, in my humble opinion.
"Although slavery was an atrocious social system, men and women back then nonetheless often succeeded in establishing working families. In his account of slave life and culture, "Roll, Jordan, Roll," historian Eugene D. Genovese wrote: "A slave in Georgia prevailed on his master to sell him to Jamaica so that he could find his wife, despite warnings that his chances of finding her on so large an island were remote. . . . Another slave in Virginia chopped his left hand off with a hatchet to prevent being sold away from his son." I was stunned to learn that a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents during slavery days than he or she is today, according to sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin."
Throughout this entire article Ms. Jones only mentions the basic human need for love and intimacy once in an extremely poorly-constructed run-on sentence. She states, as a testament by “One {who} told me that…sex and love...have become a la cart choices rather than a package deal that comes with marriage.” I find it curious that she never delves into the probable riches of intimacy and avoids extolling the untold depths of love that are only possible in a uniquely committed bond like marriage. ..instead reducing marriage’s only possible virtues to and I quote “– male companionship, close family ties {and} - a house – I already had, or were within reach and with exponentially less drama.”
Ms. Jones expresses an adolescent construct of marriage (based on a he-said-she-said argument building technique) that confirms a bizarre predisposition that it must suck since she can’t attain it. A basic psychology 101 “sour grapes” attitude if you ask me!
I could conceivably go on deconstructing her composition, sentence by sentence demonstrating to you her really atrocious writing skill, horrific fact finding ability, poor argument building technique, resulting in ill-gotten conclusions; paragraph after paragraph. But it’s just too painful. I hope you can see what I mean?
Her constant reference to unidentified sources is not only tedious but consistently discredits her “advice/findings”? Even so the most credible thing Ms. Jones cites in this entire piece of drivel is by an unidentified “…Black male acquaintance…” His “…prediction” about the lack of marriages is the only relevant truth she actually imparts:
"I don't believe marriage is going to be extinct, but I think you'll see fewer people married," he said. "It's a bad thing. I believe it takes the traditional family -- a man and a woman -- to raise kids." He has worked with troubled adolescents, and has observed that "the girls who are in the most trouble and who are abused the most -- the father is absent. And the same is true for the boys, too."
I believe with all of my being that it is completely possible for you my sistahs, to meet, and marry the man of your dreams. You are the only one who can determine this outcome. You must be as determined to heal your childhood wounds (not completely) but just enough to allow you to let love into your heart. There is no such thing as the perfect man or the perfect marriage; neither do I advise you to seek perfection of yourself. Love yourself unconditionally and open up your heart to the possibility(s).
All of the rest is poppycock.
How to marry a Black Man is complete with advice for trying to always be positive.
Ten of Monique and Cassandra's twenty-five tips...
1. Get your act togetha, so when you finally do meet Mr. Right, he can't resist you.
2. Smile and say "hello" to every Black man you see.
3. Forgive old lovers and make peace with them.
4.Tell everyone you know that you're looking for a husband.
5. Go on as may blind dates as possible.
6. Date men who are not your "type"--you may be pleasantly surprised.
7. If you ask a man a series of questions within the first five minutes of meeting him, he'll tell you almost anything you want to know. After that he clams up and won't tell you a thing.
8. If you realize right away he is someone you don't like but does have an interesting job or hobby, he may have a friend who's perfect for you.
9. If he's available and you like him, don't hesitate to let him know.
10. Dress conservatively. If you attract him with your body, how are you going to keep him with your mind?
About sixteen years ago, on the eve of her thirtieth birthday, Monique Jellerette was desperate to get married, but couldn't seem to find the right man. A married friend, Cassandra, offered some solid (albeit unsolicited) advice. Monique, determined to do it her own way, suffered through a few more dates from Hell before she realized Cassandra's tips might make sense. So she started putting Cassandra's suggestions to work, made up a few tricks of her own, and devised a plan of action...Six months later Monique met and married Bob and became Mrs. Monique Jellerette deJongh! Now, in How to Marry a Black Man, Mrs. Monique Jellerette deJongh and Mrs. Cassandra Marshall Cato-Louis share their secrets wwith women everywhere.
1. Get your act togetha, so when you finally do meet Mr. Right, he can't resist you.
2. Smile and say "hello" to every Black man you see.
3. Forgive old lovers and make peace with them.
4.Tell everyone you know that you're looking for a husband.
5. Go on as may blind dates as possible.
6. Date men who are not your "type"--you may be pleasantly surprised.
7. If you ask a man a series of questions within the first five minutes of meeting him, he'll tell you almost anything you want to know. After that he clams up and won't tell you a thing.
8. If you realize right away he is someone you don't like but does have an interesting job or hobby, he may have a friend who's perfect for you.
9. If he's available and you like him, don't hesitate to let him know.
10. Dress conservatively. If you attract him with your body, how are you going to keep him with your mind?
About sixteen years ago, on the eve of her thirtieth birthday, Monique Jellerette was desperate to get married, but couldn't seem to find the right man. A married friend, Cassandra, offered some solid (albeit unsolicited) advice. Monique, determined to do it her own way, suffered through a few more dates from Hell before she realized Cassandra's tips might make sense. So she started putting Cassandra's suggestions to work, made up a few tricks of her own, and devised a plan of action...Six months later Monique met and married Bob and became Mrs. Monique Jellerette deJongh! Now, in How to Marry a Black Man, Mrs. Monique Jellerette deJongh and Mrs. Cassandra Marshall Cato-Louis share their secrets wwith women everywhere.
Based on Monique and Cassandra's proven techniques, and coupled with the results of all-male focus groups on what Black men are really looking for in a prospective mate, How to Marry a Black Man is part manual/journal and part workbook, and delivers the goods on how to master the dating game and find a husband.
"Black men, get this--the sisters have done it! They got the formula for turning the brothers into husbands. Buy it, read it, and learn how to protect yourself, or don't--just go buy the ring." --Melvin Van Peebles
1 comment:
What a stupid article! :shock: Marriage is as old as sex and as universal as breathing! Just because one woman hasn't done very well doesn't mean that we should erase history and give up hope...
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